


The Quirkiest of Mercenaries

by SpicyHamSamson



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Gen, You know how this stuff works, ___ ends up in ___ universe, shenanigans ensue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:21:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyHamSamson/pseuds/SpicyHamSamson
Summary: After a run in with Thanos, Deadpool finds himself in the world of BNHA. The Pro Heroes, Class 1-A, and the League of Villains are all going to be introduced to Wade's unique brand of chaos. Hopefully they can tolerate it.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue in Italics is Screwball(Yellow Box) thinking  
> Dialogue in Bold is Logic(White Box) thinking

It was an average day on Earth-616. Well, as average for that world, at least. Because a large purple skinned alien invading and planning to use 6 magical gems to commit mass genocide because he has the hots for the literal personification of death itself is not something most people would call average. But this world’s a pretty unique one, and we’re gonna focus on one of its most unique residents.

Wade Wilson, otherwise known as Deadpool, was having a pretty good time, all things considered. Not only did he get to commit incredibly brutal acts without getting in trouble for it, but he also got to cockblock Thanos, which he very much got a kick out of. “Ahh, I love excessive violence”, he thought to himself as he jammed one of his katanas up through the bottom of an alien’s jaw. “Not much could be done to make this day better.”

“ _What about some hot babes? Or more cool guns? Or chimichangas?_ ” That was Screwball, one of the two voices in Deadpool’s head. You can probably guess what he’s like from his name alone. “What is it with us and chimichangas? We don’t even like the damn things that much. But for some reason, everyone keeps saying it’s our favorite food.”

“ **You thought the word sounded funny, so you kept saying it until everyone thought you liked them. I don’t know how you just forget about things like this**.” And _that_ was Logic, the other voice. Again, pretty self-explanatory what his deal is.

  
“Really? I was expecting a more interesting answer. You got any suggestions for what else we can do?”

“ **Perhaps we could find Thanos?** ”

“ _OOOH! Good idea!_ ”

“Agreed. He’s fun to annoy.”

Wasting no time, Deadpool scanned the battlefield until he found the purple warlord, and started making his way over to him, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake. “Hey! Grape Ape the mighty conquerer!” Deadpool shouted. Thanos turned around to face him.  
"Ah, Wade Wilson. It seems no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get rid of your annoying presence” the Titan spoke. “It’s your fault for making me unkillable, Barney the Die-nosaur. Maybe you could get rid of that so I can finally cuck your sorry ass!” Deadpool quipped in response. Thanos glowered at him. “You should not speak of Lady Death in such crude ways, Wilson. She is my love, and you would be wise not to come between us.”

“ **And so the love triangle continues** "

“ _How long have we been doing this again?_ ”

“ **Well, Deadpool & Death Annual came out in 1998, so...roughly 22 years?**”

“ _...how old are we again?_ ”

“ **27** ”

“ _This is confusing_ ”

“ **Blame the writers for refusing to show progression in time** ”

Ignoring the two voices, Deadpool continued to bother Thanos. “What are you gonna do this time if I get in the way? You gonna turn me into a frog? Bury me a couple miles underground? Send me to another dimension, maybe? Ooh, I’ve always wanted to see what the DC universe was like!”

Thanos’ exasperated expression slowly shifted into one of consideration, and then a malicious grin. “Another dimension, you say? That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” He said, powering up the Infinity Gauntlet as he did.

" _Wait, can he actually do that?!_ ”

“ **Maybe you shouldn’t have started giving him suggestions** "

“No shit, Einstein”  
  
“Uh, hey, I was just joking there, Thanos old buddy!” Deadpool replied as he slowly stepped away, desperately trying to escape the situation. “It seems like only one of us is finding amusement in this situation, Wilson.” the Titan quipped in response. “Any chance you might have a change of heart?” The titan smirked, pulling his arm back. “You know who my heart belongs to, you nuisance. And thanks to you, I can finally have her to myself.”  
  
And before he could convince Thanos otherwise, the titan lunged forward, striking Deadpool directly in the forehead. And then everything went white.


	2. Chapter 2

As he came back to his senses, Deadpool realized two things. The first was that he had left the oven on. The second was that he was falling. He checked his back to see if he happened to have a parachute on. No. Crap. He looked below at the rapidly approaching surface. Maybe there was a nearby trampoline or ball pit or something? Nope. _Shit_. Maybe he could-

Deadpool’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he struck the edge of a building. The ground was a lot closer than he thought. And hitting that building definitely broke his right arm. Oh well, the only thing he could do was brace for impact. He finally struck the ground. Luckily, hitting that building had slowed him down enough so that he hadn’t turned into a red and black paste. But it certainly was hard enough to knock him unconscious.

When he came back to consciousness, his first thought was one of annoyance. “We better not keep getting knocked unconscious, this is fucking stupid."  
This was quickly replaced by confusion, interest, and some...other feelings, due to the woman in front of him bending over and looking away from him.  
  
" _Boner engaged_ "

" **Your priorities are skewed, but understandable** "  
  
Deadpool tried to turn on the charm, but his voice came out as a strangled groan. Crap. He must've punctured a lung or something from the fall. Luckily, it caught the attention of the woman, who turned around and looked at him. She was wearing a purple and pale-tan bodysuit with orange accents, and a purple domino mask which had large horns on the ends of it. She had purple eyes and long curly blond hair.  
  
"Hm? Are you awake?"  
  
Deadpool could feel his body healing, and he was finally able to talk, but only at a whisper. Hopefully whatever was fucking up his voice would repair itself soon. "Yeah, no shit" he said, nodding in case she couldn't properly hear him.  
  
"Well aren't _you_ a mouthy one? I guess you don't want my help then." The woman said, turning to walk away.  
  
" **Great job, the first person to help us and you immediately get on her bad side** "

" _Aw maaaaaan! She was hot, why'd you make her mad?_ "  
  
"Hey hot tits, hold on a second!" Deadpool shouted, surprising both the woman and himself. Maybe he just got the wind knocked out of him, but the inability to talk made him assume it was something more series.  
  
She quickly turned back and grabbed Deadpool, glaring at him.  
"You wanna try that again, asshole?"

Shit. Deadpool made a note to ditch the attitude for the time being. He had bigger things to worry about.  
"Uhhh...could you please help me?" he asked, hoping that was good enough.

The woman's expression relaxed, and she helped him up to his feet.  
"That's better. Now let's try this again. Who are you and why did you just fall out of the sky?"

Damn, she was getting right to the point.

"Uhhhh, last time I checked, I was fighting Thanos and his army with the Avengers." Deadpool replied absentmindedly.

"Thanos? The Avengers? What the hell are you talking about?"

Now _that_ was surprising. Thanos was an alien, so he could understand someone not knowing him. But the Avengers? They were like, iconic!

"The Avengers! Y'know, Earth's Mightiest Heroes?"

"I have no clue what you're talking about. The number one Pro Hero is All Might!" the woman responded, before realizing that she had let the conversation get off-topic. "Forget about it for now, I can tell you're a newer hero. Can I see your license?"

Deadpool was touched by the fact that she immediately assumed he was a hero. Most people thought of him as a scumbag mercenary who could never change, no matter how hard he tried. But he was more-so confused by that last statement.

"...you mean my driver's license?"

"Wha-no! I mean your _Hero_ license, obviously!"

"They give out licenses for that now?"

The woman was quickly getting frustrated and confused. She grabbed the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily. "Okay, something's clearly wrong here."

"Yeah, and not even in the fun way." Deadpool snarked. Then he remembered something. Just before everything went white, Thanos mentioned something about...other dimensions, right? He had suggested it as a joke, but the way the mad titan acted made it seem like he could actually do that. Well, only one way to find out.

"Hold on a second. Where am I and what year is it?"

"You're in Musutafu, Japan, and it's 2320. Why?"

"Oh **_fuck_** "  
" _Oh **fuck**_ "  
" **Oh _fuck_** "  
The three voices said in unison. _This_ did not bode well.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey! Red guy! Are you listening to me?" the woman said as she waved her hands in front of Deadpool's face. He must've zoned out or something.

"Sorry, I sorta zoned out for a second. Had to process that info. What were you saying?"

"I was asking what your name is"

"You can call me Deadpool. And who are _you_ , sweet cheeks?"

"Me? Well _I'm_...not interested, so tone it down, horndog. The name's Mt. Lady, I'm the Number 23 Pro Hero."

" **She keeps saying Pro Hero specifically. What does that mean?** "

" _Like Pro Bono? What is it about that guy that makes him a pro, anyway?_ "

" **No, that's Bono. Pro bono means-**

"Oh put a sock in it, dammit" Deadpool snarked at the voices in his head. They were getting a little distracting for even _him_.

"Nice to meet ya, Mt. Lady. Uhh...so to follow up on what you said earlier, I just want to make sure I heard you correctly. Did you say the year is _2320_?"

"Yeah. Did you hit your head when you fell or something? I don't see why you keep asking about the year."

Hoo boy. Now came the difficult part. Explaining whatever the fuck just happened.

"Alright, so...would you believe it if I told you I was from another dimension?"

Mt. Lady sighed heavily, rubbing her temples. "Usually, I would say no, of course not. But you _did_ just fall out of the friggin' sky, so I'm inclined to believe you."  
  
"Huh. That was surprisingly easy", Deadpool thought to himself. He then brought his attention back to the conversation at hand. "Okay, good. Because I _am_ from another dimension. And another time. In fact, before I ended up here, I was in the year 2020. I'm pretty sure I got warped here by an angry purple alien wielding six gems that control different aspects of...well, everything, I guess."

"You're awfully casual about this. I'm assuming you're used to this kind of thing?"

"Oh boy, am I. Been doing this for years!"

" _How long's it been? I forgot, you said that we've been doing this since we were 22? And we're...uh..._ "

"27"

" _Yeah, that! So, five years_ _?_ "

" **No, what I was saying was that the first time he met Lady Death was 22 years ago, but we're 27 years old becau-ugh, you're making _me_ confused now**"

"Yeah, given your costume and all, I'm not surprised that you're experienced as a Pro Hero."

A hero? Mercenary was the correct title, but Deadpool had always wanted to be a hero. Whether or not he really was one...was debatable to say the least. But for now, he just gave an easy answer. "Yeah, I guess I could call myself a hero."

"See, now you're confusing me. You can't just say 'I guess I'm a hero'. Are you a Pro Hero or not?"

"Hey, I could say the same thing, sister! Why do you keep saying _Pro_ Hero? What, is there a minor and major league for superheroes now?"

"Wait, wait, wait. Does your world _not_ have Pro Heroes?"

"My world has heroes. But no, no 'Pro Heroes'. You mind explaining what that's all about?"

"Um...sure. It's sort of complicated though, so it'll take a while. I should probably take you to a hospital or something, and we can talk about it on the way there. Can you walk?"

"Hospital? No thanks, pal, I'm fine without it."

"Fine? Are you _insane_? You fell from the height of a goddamn skyscraper! Hell, now that I think about it, you shouldn't even be able to stand!"

"It's called a healing factor, Mountain Maiden. Does wonders for guys like me. I actually broke my arm when I hit a building on the way down, but it's all better now."

"A healing factor? Is that your quirk?"

"Quirk?"

" _Isn't that the sound a duck_ makes?"

" **You're thinking of 'quack'.** "

"Y'know, like your ability? Most people are born with one. Mine's gigantification, and it allows me to grow in size."

"Ohhhh, you mean my power? I'm not a mutant, so I wasn't born with it, but yeah, that's accurate."

"Mutant? Is that what people with quirks are called in your world?"

"Yeah. In my world, it's the opposite situation, most people are born without-uh- quirks." Deadpool stuttered a little at the end. He made a note to himself to get used to saying that instead of power. "Anyway, the point is that I'm fine. So, where do you want to go while you tell me all this stuff?"

Mt. Lady rubbed her chin, considering her options. "Well...I guess we can go to my office? It'd probably be the most convenient place, given that it'd only be the two of us there."

"Oooh, the two of us alone in your office? How scandalous."

The pro hero crossed her arms and scowled at Deadpool, not saying a word.

"I'm kidding, jeez. Maybe you should learn to take a joke every so often."

"Maybe _you_ should get a better sense of humor."

"Lalala, I can't heeaar yooou!"

"Are we going to leave, or are you just going to stand here all day making a fool out of yourself?"

"Lead the way, captain!"

"Alright, follow me. The office is this way."

With that, Deadpool headed off with Mt. Lady, all the while listening to her explanation of how heroes in her world worked. Things were starting to get pretty interesting. 


	4. Chapter 4

"I think that's...everything. Is there anything else you want me to clarify?"

Deadpool leaned back into the surprisingly comfy couch at Mt. Lady's office.

" _Should we ask her if McDonald's stopped being dumbasses and brought back the McRib for good?_ "

" **It's a corporation. They're always going to be dumbasses, because they want money.** "

" _But we want money too!_ "

" **Nobody said anything about us being morally above them.** "

"Nope! Think I'm all caught up. Either that or I'm just too distracted by how nice this couch is to care."

Mt. Lady crossed her arms and looked up and the ceiling, sighing. "Alright then. Where do we go from here?"

Deadpool sat up a little bit. "What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing, you don't have a Hero License, and you _certainly_ need to get one."

"So...how do I get one?"

"Most Hero Licenses are given out to students at hero academies, with a temporary Provisional one given for the course of their time in the school, with a National license being awarded when they graduate. However, you're clearly not really suitable for that, because you're far past the age of a high schooler."

"Well, you said most, so there's gotta be other ways, right?"

"I mean...yeah, but, there's a lot of specifics to them. You can get one as part of a job you take, given you pick a specific one. You can also take the License exam alone. That would probably the best to go with, but you're from another world, so you don't know all the information you'd need to learn for the exam. Plus, you have to wait for the right dates to come around, they're only administered in June and September."

Deadpool groaned loudly. "Well this _blows_. You seriously can't just like, I don't know, call in and request one? You're a high ranking hero, you've gotta have some sort of influence there."

Mt. Lady froze. _Could_ she do that? She had never really considered it. "Huh. I...don't know honestly. It can't hurt to try, I guess." She grabbed her phone and dialed the number of the Hero Public Safety Commission.

Deadpool absentmindedly listened as she spoke to someone.

"Hi! It's Mt. Lady calling" *mumble mumble mumble* "Well, I'm in a bit of an odd situation, and I need to get someone assigned a Hero License as soon as possible. Is there anyway that can be arranged?" *mumble mumble mumble mumble* " _Really?_ Wow, that's interesting. What times are open?" *mumble mumble* "That soon? Okay, can you schedule an appointment for a half hour from now?" *mumble mumble mumble* "Okay, thanks. See you soon, then."

"I assume that's good news?"

Mt. Lady turned to look back at Deadpool "Yeah, actually. You're just gonna need to take a picture and sign some paperwork, shouldn't take more than an hour or two."

" _Paperwork? Booooring!_ "

"...that sounds kinda tedious." Deadpool admitted bluntly, propping his feet up on a nearby table.

"Hey, that's the only offer, take it or leave it. And get your feet off of my table, only _I_ can do that in my office!"

Deadpool did as asked. "Fine. Do we have to walk again?"

"What, would you rather take a train?"

"No, I meant like a car."

Mt. Lady looked mildly surprised for a brief moment, before appearing to come to a realization. "Oh, that's right, you're American."

"Actually I was born in Canada, I just live in the U.S. now."

"Forget it. My point is that you're used to streets having a lot more traffic and stuff in them, right?"

"Yeah. Why's that important?"

"Not many people in Japan drive. There's just more convenient ways to get around. Well, except for outside of the big cities."

"...so what you're saying is you don't have a car."

"Jeez, you don't need to be a dick about it."

" **We don't have a car either, hypocrite.** "

"Eh, that's what I do best. So, how long's it gonna take to get there?"

"About 25 minutes. Which is why I scheduled it for a half hour from now, so that there's a little breathing room in case something happens along the way."

"Alright. Let's get going then." Deadpool sprung up.

Eventually, the two finally arrived at the Hero Public Safety Commission's headquarters.

"So this is it? Thought it'd look a little more impressive."

"I thought the same thing when I first came here, honestly."

They walked inside and up to a receptionist's desk. Upon hearing them come in, the receptionist looked up.

"Ah, Mt. Lady. You're here for the appointment at 4:00, right?"

"Yes. Do you want us to wait out here, or is there a room we can wait in until someone is ready to help?"

"We have a room ready for you. 4th door on the right."

"Thank you" Mt. Lady said, bowing slightly.

They entered the room and sat down in the available swivel chairs. Deadpool quickly began screwing around, spinning the chair rapidly and giggling like a child. Mt. Lady stopped the chair and smacked him upside the head.

"Are you _out of your mind_?! This is serious! If you start acting immaturely here, they might decide to not give you a license after all!"

"Awww, fine."

Soon after, a man entered the room and sat down at the desk in front of the two.

"Greetings, Mt. Lady, and..." the man hesitated, understandably not recognizing Deadpool.

" _I know that we're in a new dimension and stuff, but that hurts honestly._ "

" **Be glad he didn't call us Spider-Man** **.** "

"Deadpool."

"A pleasure to meet you, sir. So, I see you're here to get a Hero License?'

"Yep!"

"Okay. I'm going to need you to give me some basic information for the license." 

"Fire away, pal."

"Alright. Can I get your full name, please?"

Deadpool hesitated for a second, as he had already introduced himself, but then he realized that the man was talking about his _real_ name.

"Wade Winston Wilson."

Mt. Lady turned to look at him.

"Wade, huh? Fitting, you do seem like a Wade to me. And did your parents have a thing for alliteration or something?"

Deadpool looked down. "I'd prefer not to talk about my parents."

Mt. Lady's face quickly turned to one of sympathy. "Oh...sorry."

"It's alright, it's not like you would've known."

The man spoke up, obviously trying to move on from the awkwardness of the conversation. "Um, can I get your date and place of birth next?"

Deadpool almost answered, but realized that he couldn't give his real date of birth, because then they'd think he was over 300 years old! Of course, he'd probably live to that age, considering that he couldn't exactly die, but quickly did the math in his head to get the proper birth year for someone who would be 27 in this time period.

"November 22nd, 2293, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada."

"Can I get your height?"

"6 fo-" Deadpool stopped mid sentence, realizing that they used the metric system in Japan. "1.88 meters."

"Weight?"

"95.25 kilograms." Deadpool answered, making sure to use the correct unit this time.

"Can I get your eye and hair colors?"

"Brown eyes, bald, formerly brown hair."

"27 and you're already bald? Jeez, you age quickly."

Deadpool briefly turned to glare at Mt. Lady, who was smirking at him. Obviously, it was rude, but she didn't know how much deeper that hit him.

"Alright, that's most of the basic information out of the way. Now then, what's your quirk?"

"I have a healing factor, as well as slightly enhanced strength, agility, reflexes, stamina, and durability."

"I see. I'll just put the healing down, since it seems like the most notable ability." The man then typed on his computer, muttering to himself as he did. "Quirk: Regeneration. Type: Mutant."

Deadpool almost spoke up to point out that he was actually a Mut _ate_ , due to not being born with his powers, but remembered that Mutant meant something different than it did in his world, along with the complications of explaining that he wasn't born with his powers to people who lived in a world where the majority of humans were born with powers.

The man turned back to them. "That's almost everything, all that's left is any extra notes. Do you have any unusual features?"

Deadpool turned his head slightly. "What do you mean by that?"

"Is there anything about your appearance that's unnatural for different from the average person?"

" _..._ "

" **...** "

Deadpool wanted to say no. He _really_ wished he could say no. But unfortunately, that was far from the case. Resigning himself, Deadpool sighed and took off his mask, revealing his face. As he did, the others in the room gasped at what they saw.

"Does _this_ count?" Deadpool asked, his voice full of melancholy.

He was referring, of course, to the horribly scarred appearance of his skin, covered by burns and tumors.


	5. Chapter 5

After what seemed like an eternity, Mt. Lady broke the silence.

"Wade...what's wrong with your face?!"

"Cancer."

"W-what?"

"I have cancer, ML. Stage 4."

Mt. Lady's expression turned from horror to shock, and then to pity. Even 300 years in the future, scientists were still not able to develop a cure. And if Wade was at Stage 4...there was no possible hope of treating him. "Oh my god...I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"T-the cancer. If you're at Stage 4...I assume you don't have much time left."

Deadpool paused for a moment, before bursting into laughter. It was surprisingly genuine, given the subject matter, but it also sounded somewhat hollow. Like there was a broken man behind all of it.

"What, you think I'm going to _die_ from it?"

Mt. Lady looked absolutely bewildered. "Are you trying to tell me you're _not_?"

"Healing factor, remember?"

Mt. Lady's jaw dropped. "It's _that_ powerful?"

"Yep! Anyway, does all the scarring count as unusual features?"

Clearly shocked, the man took a few seconds to reply. "Y-Yes, I would say that it does. Um...is it just on your face, or-"

"No, it's the entire body." Deadpool interrupted.

"I see. I'll put that down as 'Extremely scarred skin'. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, that works." Deadpool said, slipping his mask back on as he did

"Okay. That's the basic information needed for the license. Now, you just need to fill out the necessary forms."

Deadpool groaned internally.

" **This is going to take a while, isn't it?** "

Roughly 2 and a half hours later, Deadpool and Mt. Lady were walking out, with Deadpool having safely tucked away his hero license into his wallet, which he kept in one of the many pouches on his suit.

"So your healing factor is powerful enough to cure cancer?"

"Not cure, exactly. See, the healing factor was given to me _after_ I got cancer. And it was specifically designed with it in mind. So it makes new cells at about the same rate that the cancer kills cells."

"What would happen if someone copied it?"

"Well, unless they had cancer, their body would start producing extra cells, which would start taking up space in their body. Eventually, that would cause growths, and after that..."

"After that?"

"Well, if something's out of room and you try to put more stuff in it, what's gonna happen?"

"...it would burst."

"Exactly."

"Gross. How do you know that, anyway?"

"I've dealt with power copying bad guys before. It's happened enough that I actually used it as a strategy once." Deadpool said, putting his hands behind his head.

"Interesting. So, where are you gonna go, now that you got your license?"

Deadpool paused.

" **How much money do we have right now?** "

He pulled his wallet back out and opened it. It was empty, aside from the Hero License and his Driver's License. He was flat out broke.

"Uh...well, I don't exactly have a place to stay..." Deadpool admitted, trying to evoke as much pity as possible.

"...you're trying to make me feel bad, aren't you?"

" _Oh, she's good at this._ "

Crap. She saw right through it. "I mean...yes, but I literally have no money. I can't even rent a hotel room or something."

Mt. Lady sighed loudly. "Look, you need to stop beating around the bush. What are you trying to imply? Do you want me to give you some money or something?"

"Nah, I couldn't just take your money, I'd feel bad."

" **Haven't we literally killed people for money for years?** "

" _Y_ _eah, but they were BAD people. And besides, we weren't taking their money, we were getting paid to do it by someone else!_ "

"Well then, what _do_ you want?"

Oh boy. He was just gonna have to say it, wasn't he?

"Uh...well...I was wondering if...I could maybe...stay at your place?" Deadpool asked, putting on his best puppy dog eyes.

" **We're wearing a _mask_ , she's not gonna be able to see that.**"

"It's the effort that counts, Logic"

"...my place?"

"Yeah, like, your apartment or whatever you live in."

"So, my house?"

"Yeah!"

Mt. Lady paused, rubbing her chin.

"Alright, fine."

" _Yessss!_ "

"But we're gonna lay down some ground rules first."

" _Nooooo!_ "

"Sounds fair to me."

"Number 1: You will clean up after yourself. No messes, no piles of dirty clothes, no half-eaten pizzas lying on the floor. I'm not having my house turn into a damn pigsty."

Deadpool sighed internally. He was more comfortable with only cleaning up when it was absolutely necessary, but he _was_ asking to live in someone else's house, so he could put in effort to be more neat if that's what it took.

"Number 2: You will respect my privacy and not be a creep. You will not try to peek at me or watch me change or shower. No peeping through cracks in doorways or keyholes, and no drilling secret holes to watch me through. I'm used to using my looks to my advantage, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you _take_ advantage of them."

"Why would I do that? You already made it clear that you weren't interested."

Mt. Lady looked a little surprised at his remark. "Huh, really? I sort of got a creepy perverted vibe from you."

"Oh I'm definitely perverted sometimes, but I'm not gonna be _creepy_ about it. Why would I do stuff that would obviously make you uncomfortable? That's just fucked up."

"Good to know. Number 3: I usually go to bed around 11:30, unless something's going on and I'm busy. If you want to do anything after that time, you better be quiet."

"So, a curfew then?"

"It's not a curfew, it's just making sure you aren't obnoxiously loud. I need my beauty sleep after all."

"Okay, _mom_."

Mt. Lady glared at him. "You're 3 years older than me, asshole. But I'm getting off track. Number 4: Keep your _goddamn_ hands off of the pretzels. Those are _mine_ , capiche?"

"Fine with me. I'm more of a fan of Mexican food than German food, anyway."

" _Mmmmm...tacos..._ "

"Number 5: You better keep yourself presentable."

"What, do I have to wear a suit and tie?"

"No, I mean like...don't look like a mess. Like, no walking around in your underwear. And no getting wasted and stumbling around like a moron."

"I can't actually get drunk, due to the healing factor."

"Well that's convenient."

" **It's upsetting when you're feeling shitty and can't get drunk to forget about how much life sucks.** "

Mt. Lady kept listing rules until they finally arrived at her house. It was pretty nice looking, but surprisingly not too glamorous.

"I thought you'd have a bigger house, given your very obvious ego."

"Being a hero pays well, but I'm not _rich_. Also, even if I could get a mansion, it'd probably get attacked or something."

"Fair enough."

Mt. Lady brought Deadpool inside, showing him around his new living quarters. Eventually, she brought him into a bedroom.

"You're gonna be staying here, in the guest room. Although I guess it's less of a guest room now, since you're probably gonna be here for a while. You've got your own bathroom too. There's a TV in here, but if you're gonna watch it after 11:30-"

"Yeah yeah, turn down the volume, I got it."

"Don't forget whose house this is, Wade. Anyway, there's a dresser for your clo-" Mt. Lady paused. "Oh wait, do you have any other clothes to wear?"

"I dropped from the damn sky this morning. Where would I have any clothes?" Deadpool snarked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Touché. Well, we're gonna have to get you some more clothes. What'll you do in the meantime? You better not just wear your costume 24/7, that'd be gross."

"Nah, I can sleep in my undies."

"Alright, but I'm taking you to get some clothes tomorrow."

"Wait, but how am I supposed to afford that?"

"I'll cover it. My paycheck came in recently, and it's not like I've got anything better to spend it on at the moment. Don't expect this to be a repeat occurrence, though. Once you start getting paid, you're buying anything you need."

Touched by the kind offer, Deadpool took a bit to respond. "...Wow. That's really nice of you. Thanks, M-"

He paused. "What should I call you, anyway? I can't just call you Mt. Lady, that'd be weird if we're not actually out fighting baddies or something."

"Yeah, that's a good point. I might as well tell you my real name, seeing as I already learned yours. Plus, it'd be better for people living in the same house to know each other's names."

Mt. Lady took off her domino mask. Not that that changed much about her appearance, it covered a very small portion of her face. "Anyway, my real name is Yu Takeyama."

Deadpool smiled underneath his mask. "Nice to meet Yu!" he said, proud of his pun.

"Oh shut up, it's not like I haven't heard _that_ one a thousand times."

"Well, now you know how I feel when people mistake me for Spider-Man."

"Spider-Man? _He_ sounds pretty interesting. You gotta tell me more about your world. Hell, maybe you could tell me some stories after we're done shopping tomorrow."

"Sounds good to me. Anyway, I'mma turn in for the night. Interdimensional shenanigans take a _lot_ out of you."

"Alright. See you in the morning, Wade."

With that, she shut the room door behind her and Deadpool made himself comfortable in his new bed.

While the whole being thrown into a new dimension seemed annoying and confusing at first, he was getting surprisingly accustomed to it. Who knows? Maybe he'd end up enjoying this.


	6. Chapter 6

"WADE! Up and at 'em! We got shit to do today!"

Wade shot up in bed, at first confused and wondering where exactly the fuck he was. Then it all sank in, and he slumped back down slowly. Different dimension, time travel, quirks, his new roommate Mt. Lady, aka Yu Takeyama. Speaking of Yu, she was currently pounding on his bedroom door.

"Five more minutessssssss" He groaned, placing the pillow on top of his head to mute all the noises.

"Alright, fine. I guess you _don't_ want the breakfast I so nicely ordered for you." Yu called from behind the door.

" _Breakfast? Did she say breakfast?_ "

Wade sat up. It had been a while since he ate, to be fair, given all that had happened. He begrudgingly accepted that he did need to get up.

"Alright, fine. Just let me get ready." Wade whined as he got out of bed.

"That's much better. See you in a few!" Yu replied.

A shower, some teeth brushing, and a uniform put back on later, Wade stumbled out into the hallway.

"Glad to see you're finally back to the land of the living, Wade." Yu snarked from her spot at the table.

"Really making me regret getting up, Yu. You said you got breakfast?"

"Yeah. Figured I might as well pick you up something closer to what you're used to, as opposed to just going straight into a Japanese breakfast, so I got some scrambled eggs and bacon." Yu said, pointing to a few boxes at another seat.

" **Been a while since anyone's done something like that for us.** "

"...huh. Thanks." Wade said, sitting down.

As he began to eat, Wade noticed small differences in the food that he found interesting. The eggs were the same, for the most part, but the bacon was noticeably different in shape. It was much shorter, but also much thicker. It was still bacon, though, and so he had no problem with it. Unlike Canadian bacon, which wasn't bacon at all. Wade was ashamed that his birth country would lie so easily about a food.

"So, you gonna tell me about that Spider-Man like you said you would?" Yu said, smirking at Wade.

"I thought that that was gonna be after the clothes shopping. What, did you get impatient?"

"Fuck off. We got time, you might as well tell me about _one_ hero. It's better than just sitting here in silence."

"Fair point. Alright, hold on, I got some pictures of the guy on my phone."

Wade searched through his photo library, looking past memes and some very NSFW content, until he found a good picture of Spidey swinging through the air. It was from some newspaper, something involving an instrument. The Daily...Trumpet? Trombone? No, it was something with a B. Bagpipe? Banjo? ...Bassoon? Fuck it, it didn't matter right now.

"Here's a good one of him. He swings around on these webs he shoots from these web-gun-thingies on his wrists." He said, turning the phone to show Yu.

"Oh-ho _ho!_ He fills out that costume _very_ nicely." Yu purred, some pinkness rushing to her cheeks as her lips curled into a grin. "He could web me up _anytime_."

" **She's worried about _us_ acting perverted?**"

Then again, Wade did share the sentiment, Spidey was pretty hot, honestly.

Yu rested her head on her fists. "So, what's he like?"

"He's pretty easygoing, aside from when it comes to anything involving me and my bullshit. Very kind, cares about the average folk more than most superheroes. He doesn't refer to himself as 'Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man' for nothing. He also quips a lot, especially when fighting crooks or supervillains."

"Ooh, a comedian! Color me impressed. So, does he just shoot the web or is there anything else he does. Because you described it as like, a gadget, so I'm assuming he has unrelated powers?"

"Yep. A lot of them, actually. Super strength, super speed, durability, agility, stamina, reflexes, the whole standard package. But he can also stick to walls, or any surface, now that I think about it."

"Really? That sounds kinda creepy."

"Eh, once you get to know his personality that factor goes away. Oh right, he's also got that Spider Sense of his."

Yu tilted her head. "... _Spider Sense?_ What's that?"

"From what he's told me, it's like a sort of...danger warning thing. If he's in danger, he'll feel a tingle in the back of his head, and it gets stronger the closer and more dangerous the situation is. So like, if someone tries to hit him from behind, it'd go off and then he'd use his reflexes to dodge and stuff."

"That sounds really useful. Almost too useful, honestly."

"It is pretty overpowered. Although I'm pretty sure there's a few villains that can stop that. I know there's one that uses chemicals to mess with it, and then there's this other one that's straight up immune to it, but explaining that would get very complicated and long. Anyway you can see why people get us confused, what with the whole red suit, full facemark, white eyes with a black outline. Then again he _has_ worn other costumes before."

"Such as?"

"Well, the one I remember best was the black suit, because that was the other suit he used the most. It was really simple, almost entirely black, slightly larger eyes, a big white spider on his chest and back, and then there were white squares on the back of his hand."

"Sounds spooky. Why didn't he keep that look?"

"The costume turned out to be an alien symbiote that made him more aggressive and was trying to permanently bond with him."

"It _WHAT_?!"

"Long story, I'll tell you later." Wade said, before finishing off his breakfast. "So, what's the plan?"

"I'll take you to a store nearby, we'll pick up some clothes for you to wear, and then we'll figure it out from there."

"Sounds good to me." Wade said, reaching for his mask.

Yu looked at him confused. "What are you doing?"

"...putting on my mask. Is that a problem?"

"I mean, you're not really supposed to wear your costume when you're not doing hero stuff. I'm only letting you wear the suit because we literally have no other options at the moment."

"...I guess, but I'm not really comfortable showing all of _this_ in public." Wade explained, pointing to his face.

" **It's not _that_ bad, all things considered.**"

" _Yeah, our scarring's been depicted as WAYYY uglier before. Be glad we look like the movie version rather than the comic version with no lips!_ "

"Oh. Right." Yu said, apparently having completely forgot that Wade was heavily scarred. "Uhh, hold on, let me see if I can find something." She muttered, walking into another room to look through some stuff.

Soon enough, Yu emerged holding a bandanna and a winter hat. "Does this work?"

"I mean, it's not that cold out."

"It's either the winter hat or nothing, your choice."

Wade stood still for a moment, before grabbing the bandanna and hat and putting them on. "Alright, fine. But I'm keeping the mask on me just in case."

Yu sighed as Wade stuffed his mask into out of the many pouches on his outfit. "Deal."

Soon, they were walking to the store, as Wade took in his new environment, something he hadn't really had the chance to do, given all the exposition thrown upon him since he arrived. He was really glad he had taken the time to learn Japanese, difficult as it was. They had _three_ _alphabets_ , for shit's sake, and one of them had over **_8,000 characters_**. But, despite the long endeavor the learning process was, it sure paid off here, as he was able to tell what was what.

"Getting used to the area?" Yu asked.

"Yeah. Figured I might as well learn as much as I can right away. Don't know how long I'm gonna be staying here, after all."

"Aw, are you getting used to me already?" she said, sneering at him.

"Yep. Let's hope you can say the same for me." Wade replied, challenging her to see who could keep up the snarkiness longer.

"I don't think _anybody_ could get used to you."

"Eh, you'd be surpri-" Wade paused mid-sentence. He turned to Yu. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Wade listened closer. It sounded like it was coming from an alleyway a ways behind them. "I think there's people in that alley." He concentrated, listening even closer.

"I said, _leave me alone!_ " a young sounding voice yelled.

Wade tensed up. "I think there's someone in trouble back there." He started to move towards the alley, before he felt a hand clamp onto his wrist.

"What are you _doing?_ " Yu whispered at him with venom in her voice.

"I'm going to see what's going on there."

Yu looked at him incredulously. "We're not in costume, we can't just rush in without identification, those are the rules! Wait for someone else to show up and handle it!"

Wade looked at his hand, and then at her. "...fuck the rules." He growled, pulling his hand away and rushing towards the alley.

"WADE!" Yu yelled, trying to get him to shake him out of his sudden recklessness, but he just kept going.

Wade pulled out his mask, and in a swift motion, threw off the bandanna and hat and quickly slipped the mask onto his head, before finally arriving at the alley.

In front of him, he saw a girl, somewhere in her mid-teens, backed up against a wall, with a burly frat bro looking guy pressing his hand to the wall in front of her.

"Aw, come on, babe, why don't we take this somewhere more relaxing, huh?"

"I said, I'm not interested, you creep!"

Deadpool resisted the urge to run up and break the asshole's neck right then and there, and instead pulled out one of his pistols and slowly approached the man from behind.

"I'm sure I could do something to convince you otherwise, doll."

Deadpool pressed the barrel of the gun up against the back of the man's head. "Leave the kid alone." He snarled, as the man tensed up in fear. "Glad I've gotten your attention, fuckface. Now then, I suggest you step back now, unless you want me to make an abstract painting on these walls by _blowing your brains all over them_."

The man did as asked. "Now turn around, dickhead." Doing as requested, the man slowly turned to face him. Deadpool grabbed the man by the chin and leaned in close. "Let me make this clear, asshole. If I find out that you've been harassing kids like this again, I'll find where you live and redecorate the place with your entrails. _Are we clear?_ "

The man nodded, shivering in fear the whole time. "Y-Yes sir!"

"Good. Let's hope nothing happens to you before you wake up." Deadpool remarked, smacking the gun into the man's cranium, causing him to fall over unconscious.

He holstered his gun and turned his attention to the girl. "Are you okay?"

She jolted a little, as if she wasn't expecting him to talk to her. She quickly responded, "Yes, thank you."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No, he didn't. I'm glad you were there to stop him before he could, sir."

"Call me Deadpool. You don't need to be all formal with me. Anyway, you need any help getting home or something?"

The girl shook her head. "I'm fine. My family's apartment isn't that far. Thank you for the offer, though, Miste-um, Deadpool."

"It's no problem. Now get going, I'm sure your parents are starting to get nervous."

"Okay. Thank you for helping me, again." the girl said with a shaky smile, before turning away and walking off.

Deadpool smiled under his mask, glad to see that her spirits were rising already. It felt good to help others.

Of course, that good feeling dissipated a little when he turned around to see Yu staring at him, the discarded bandanna and hat in her grasp. Her expression was hard to read. There was disapproval, shock, anger, but also a little bit of fear.

Wade pulled off his mask and took back the accessories, putting them back on as he and Yu kept walking.

"...Okay, I know that you didn't want me doing that."

Yu let out a shaky laugh. "Uh, yeah, that's putting it mildly." She seemed nervous about something.

"Look. I get it, there's laws and stuff. But I've made it clear that I don't care about the laws if they're stopping me from doing the right thing."

Yu turned to look at him. "I know, but we could get in a _lot_ of trouble for pulling shit like that, Wade."

"Would you rather I had ignored the situation, and let that creep do who knows what to that girl?"

Yu paused, unsure how to respond. "I-well..."

"If you need to take some time to think about it, that's fine."

"Okay..."

Wade glanced over at Yu. It seemed like there was something else she thinking about. "Something else on your mind?"

"...yeah. It's, um...it's a question for you."

"Go ahead."

"...Wade... _why do you carry lethal weapons with you?_ "


End file.
